Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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