I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
