If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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