now i know why i became what i already was.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
