She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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