I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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