Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
