guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
