I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
