There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
