some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
