OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
