I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
