2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize