i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
