his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
