I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
