In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
