I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
