I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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