I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize