Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
