5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
