Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
