I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
