Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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