If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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