You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
