I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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