there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
