Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
