What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize