I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
