it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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