My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
