Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
