just tell him i said nine months
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
