it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
