I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
