doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize