Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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