Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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