Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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