i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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