just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
