Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I could make wine with my vomit
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i've created a new STD.
The power of my boobs compel you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
