He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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