don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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