Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize