I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
