the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
