I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my liver is dry heaving
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize