he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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