That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
