i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm passing your future prison.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
