if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
