If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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