just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
3pm strippers are depressing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
