So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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