I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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