Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i think my cat just said my name.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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