put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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