My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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