Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize