I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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