I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
