Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
