Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
