I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
