so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
