Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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