:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
