I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize