he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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