the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
