quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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