Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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