How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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