its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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