You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
