Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
