I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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