please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
