yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
