he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
