I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
