Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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