Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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