What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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