if i died would you start the facebook group?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
