Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
