Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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