Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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