So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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