DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
