Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
