ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
