Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
