whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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