not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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