Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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