She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize