I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
